In the dream- At a cafe lunch spot, I notice a group of youngish 20-30 year old women who work there, they are all co-workers and friends and creative collaborators.  During their intermittent breaks they gather at a large round table to discuss – share possible inspirations for an upcoming project/performance.

I have been watching off to the side in mild interest. They are all also dancers and artists and at some point we notice each other and I am invited to sit with them.

Ideas are tossed out here and there and I can feel they really want to have an impact on the world around them and love and compassion is the underlying intention. After ideas about how to make this a performance piece have been swirling around, I pipe up and say something along the lines of : “The difference between something truly impactful is its effectiveness, yes you can give a performance, play a role however if you want a real impact, then you want to directly embody and evoke the energy of Quan Yin herself IN YOU. Then you can transmit Wisdom and Compassion by your presence, not just playact  a role.”

At this I am invited to join in the collaboration. We begin to build momentum and excitement and more and more women and young girls join. At some point the lovely leader of the group grabs me and plants a big long kiss on my lips. 

After the kiss in the dream, more and more women gathered and at some point we realize we had to get up and move from the big roundtable where there were drawings, notes and ideas for the ”performance” and actually do the performance or rather the evocation and embodiment! 

I recall doing a mudra to evoke Quan Yin. We moved in an ever growing circle dance…moving faster and faster. A woman played drums and then used her feet like in Kathak style dance to hold the beat for everyone and then singers came and joined and sang what sounded like a Sufi song. It was getting pretty wild, and in the midst another young woman came up and held my face in her hands adoringly and planted a sweet kiss on my lips.  We all continued in this big circle dance and now there were children, boys and young men included too and then suddenly, I am outside the building we were in.  It is night just after a rain so the ground is still wet. I can see the reflections of lights on the wet pavement. I gaze up at the building in wonder – you would never know that any of what was occurring on the inside was happening. No sound emanated – the windows were too high up for anyone to see anything. So much love so much joy and creativity and pure beautiful human connection in devotion to loving compassion and no one would ever know unless they were there. Then I noticed barely a shimmer, I even thought am I imagining this?  But no I could just perceive the slightest violet aura around the building and watched in awe as effervescent waves of violet light, one of the noble colors associated with Quan Yin, of Loving Compassion flow out into this normal everyday suburban neighborhood and continue out into the world. Seeing this reminded me that our actions, thoughts, words, all have potential consequence. 

At this I announced ” There IS Grace In This World- There IS Love In This World”. I repeated this over and over and began to whirl like a dervish spinning and chanting- arms lifted. My gaze followed my outstretched arms to the sky which was partly covered in rain clouds- there was a clear patch of stars right above me and I instantly recognized the constellation Orion- only the three stars in his belt were showing – they looked unusually close and glowed intently…I kept whirling and chanting “There IS Grace In This World, There IS Love In This World”  As continued chanting this mantra,  the middle star in Orion’s belt became bigger – as big as our moon and in some moments it seemed to transform into our full Moon. It began to rain or at least I thought it was rain – it looked like it was raining stars. I reveled in the beauty and then noticed the reflection of the stars on the wet pavement surface seemed to be drawn up while raining down at the same time… borders dissolved as I seemed to be drawn into the luminosity of liminal space. 

Then Ariel was there as a sort of crone like Cheshire cat and a conveyor belt like “funhouse” ride manifested and all of us women and girls willingly jumped up to get on this sort of shoot that went down into a mysterious dark void. 

When my turn came I jumped on the “ride” and off I went down this rabbit hole as I remembered to say “THANK YOUUUUUU CHESHIRE CAAAAAAT!!!””

DREAM SHIFT: I then popped up into what seemed like the same place I was before – still night, same neighborhood but pretty quickly I recognized I was in an underworld of sorts.  The darkness had a dingy – looming feeling. It felt devoid of the luminosity of life. It felt like strife and struggle.  I saw a dark shadowy male figure duck and hide behind something and saw two women sitting doing a task of some sort so I moved towards them…they were signing – did not speak – they asked if i signed – I shrugged motioned apologetically that i did not…they were busy at their task of cleaning something and I saw that they lived in tents -saw that there were three tents one for a little girl they cared for but she was not around.  I looked inside their tents- neat – clean – but where is the little girl?  I move on.

The dream changes again – now I am in a neighborhood that looked like where my Great Grandmother lived, similar flowers, shrubs, it is her house.  This place has a lighter quality – still in the underworld but maintained some faint light- like how ones memory edges everything, I walk around kind of get lost and see a place an old cabin – really old – like settlers old timey – it is tiny and built rough- I feel dread rising but I go on and open the door- it is empty- but the feeling of dread and anxiety is intense. Thoughts race–” what happened here? Did I die here? Did someone die? I look up and see a huge knife or cutting tool and this brings great fear to behold it…even worse I see soap suds on it as if it had just been used and cleaned- I am bordering on terror – Asking what happened did something happen to me?  Did I do something to someone else? At this thought the walls of the cabin elongate as if my thoughts are literally pushing me away from some terrible memory. Then I am at the front door of my Baba’s -my great grandmother..I walk up the steps to the red ornate door carved in a Ukrainian style and I am looking for my grandmother now.  The first door opens and surprisingly there is an identical second red door right behind it which I then grab and open swiftly to a third identical door and this strikes me as significant – three being an archetypal number in stories …now I know that I will be facing something…I have a choice to make, I can leave and not open that last door or I can face whatever is on the other side of that door. I look off to the side and see a mirror and I know that mirrors are often a chance to confront some inner reflection of self so I purposefully look and  see my reflection and I see my fear- wide eyed staring back, I see it mostly in my eyes and now i know what my fear looks like- how it might look to someone else and effect someone else. 

I choose to keep going past my fear past my reflection of fear and to open the last red door and I do…it opens into my great- grandmother’s house where I was earlier and I find myself searching for my grandmother. She passed close to a year ago.  I am in the kitchen. I see a dusty old bassinet with an old what would now be considered antique baby doll, busted and discarded. This is all looking and feeling horror movie level creepy. The lack of life and light is profound in this underworld – it’s not even death which for me connotes a sort of peace. No this, this is a Bardo.  I move cautiously and slowly around the house. I find my grandmother – she is standing and smiling as if unaware of where she seems to be stuck, a sort of underworld dementia.

She has been dancing by herself and waiting for someone to dance with her.

I gently put my arms around her as if we are going to waltz and ask as gently as possible..” Is it okay to take you out of here now?” We lock eyes in recognition and she smiles one of the most genuine and pleased smiles I ever experienced with her and says ‘Yes!” We walk out of that realm. 

All the past anger, judgment, bitter rejections and misunderstandings through projections on both our parts dissolve replaced with open hearts, compassion and love. I wake up still seeing her gracious smile and feeling her love.

There IS Grace in this world, there IS Love in this world. 

The dream ends…